Life sucks,so what?Rangers Lead The Way!

I didn't feel like blogging these past few days...mainly because I feel like shit...and tired..but mainly I feel like shit.These past few days,they can kill a man caught unaware.

The National Finals;it was like a dream come true for me.Running always seems like a dream to me.You feel the pain,your wanting to stop as you go about chasing fifteen guys in front of you.That was how it was for me;I was chasing the fifteen who were getting further and further away from me.Oh my God,I would never imagine taking the loser's lap,having everyone cheering and clapping for me,waiting for me to finish the last 100m alone.If finishing last was something to be expected,seeing my timing go up by eight seconds was not.4.48.23!The 17th placed guy got a 4.49.51...I was only relieved that those who didn't make it into the finals couldn't say that my heat's timing was a fluke...otherwise I would lose respect among my team...well just seeing Mr Chua's face after my race sums up how much I disappointed them.

What happened on Thursday?I don't remember much,just that I felt like shit.I got malay,which I had to act out a sajak..the guys say I acted damn well,I say they are either being damn sarcastic or just want to cheer me up. Studied for my chemistry test on chemical bonding with Hafiz...we ended up doing all kinds of shit except study.Went on to sit for the test,found it a bit challenging but did all the questions in the end.

But then today,Dr. Chia came to my class during recess and told all those who were there that the test was a whitewash,meaning almost everyone flunk it.I might be paranoid,but for all the while he was talking to us,he was constantly glancing at me.To make me feel worse,Mr Tan gave back my physics test on scalars and vectors..I got a 14.5/30...Technically it was a A level pass,but I still see it was a failure.The remarks on my paper was even depressing...

"What happened?Hope it's just a glitch."

Now I really hope that it is a glitch.Otherwise I've made another person disappointed.After school,went to the sahibba competition...The girls were hoping I could get something...all I got was fourth position..and top three make the cut.Went to rugby after that and gave my backs shitty passes that would make a newbie scrumhalf scream...If we were playing against the Three,they would have punish us for my mistakes..
Again,the overriding factor;me.

Heh..forgive the inaccurate countdown on the right...I can't seem to remove it now..Anyway,the National Interschool  Track & Field Championship Final would be tomorrow afternnoon at the National Stadium..damn,miss running there since all the heats now are being held in Chua Chu Kang Stadium.Haiz,I can still remember the first time I ran there,3000m C boys Division in secondary one...the feeling was amazing being in that big place,having everyone looking at you as you run..I know that there would be about 20,000 people coming down to cheer their respective schools on..tHE Chinese High School would most probably get all it's students to go...as well as other "elite" schools...Millenia Institute then?Well for a start,we got into two finals;the 4*100m A boys relay and the 1500m A boys..I'm kinda hoping that the whole track team would come and at least be part of the electrifying atmosphere tomorrow...But then again,the whole school is having their photo taking sessions after school ends...Damn,my whole bloody face won't be seen in THREE! separate photos namely my class,the rugby team and the track&field team...I had actually practise smiling THREE! different poses for the different shoots..now all that has gone to waste..oh well lets focus on the finals then..

I am the last qualifier for the 1500m.
I have nothing to prove.
Its good if I finish better than 16th.
It's allright if I finish last.
The only thing I want to do tomorrow is,
Run the race I can be proud of.

Seriously...what is so special about today?I don't know...hmm,I got this theory that I wish to test out..It's those little things in our lives that we remember which makes our day so memorable...The big major things might add weightage but ultimately what our best friends say to us during recess,how our teacher smile at us and how that girl in math class giggle to her friends make these days part of us.

The day started off well enough..woke up the usual 0600hours and reached school around 0730..I sat alone in the bus even though there was a bunch of people I could sit with...I guess I just wanted a few minutes to myself...Reached school,went to the rugby table which was again empty...a bunch of ruggers walked past it but didn't have the balls to sit alone on the table.Hah...you can always depend on these guys to be courageous on the field but afraid of losing their popularity by siting alone.There I was,having the whole damn table to myself until Hazwana came and joined me..She asked about Syafiqa...how small is her,how light is her..blah blah blah...now I appreciate her curiousity,makes me switch out of observer mode...During GP we did more on discrimination...more fun for me naturally.Had break later and lined up with Grace Sasha Ng for our food...she was sharing her runnning experience with me..she actually didn't like running,just that she didn't really had much choice..after break we had chemistry practical,Dr Chia was screwing most of us up for throwing away the SPA last Saturday.Then we started on a new type of experiment,heating.I was tired of doing titrations so coming back to my beloved bunsen burner did wonders with my mood.I was the only one to complete 3 heatings,let alone complete the decomposition of copper sulphate in copper oxide...Dr Chia was actually praising me for a change..haha..now that is a very nice cosy feeling...Had Home tutor period after that...did a few questions about our lives..naturally the questions I asked myself differs from the questions on the board.

Ah...signed out of school for the 1st time...feels good...seeing my baby Syafiqa getting her birth certificate is even better...Dian Nurul Syafiqa...My baby girl..hehe..I was at her caretaker's house like from 1800 to 2300...didn't even touch my books...everytime I look at her,she reminds me of me!haha,the self-patronising me...My cousin got a few pictures,now all I'm waiting for is for him to send them to me...Can't wait to see them...haiz,feels sleepy and I haven't even do my homework...need to sleep...now...but before I go,don't you agree that all these things I'hv mention are small by comparision to say,getting my A levels or getting married?I thought so too.

Here I am inside my school's computer room with a bunch of other kids,having nothing else to do while waiting for my rugby teammates to go to Farrer Park later for our friendly...damn.

Is it just me,or does everyone miss me when I'm gone..?I think it's definitely just me..But then,everyone was like asking me where I was yesterday...teachers,friends,Girls(!) and a few people who I thought didn't care at all for me...

Ah,I woke up at 7...7!!haha,that's like the time I would come to school...but there I was,rubbing the sleep out of my eyes...taking my HR(it's 82bpm by the way) and hearing raindrops hitting my window panes...Should I or shouldn't I?Ah damn it,just go to the bloody school and report in...I reached school at exactly 7.35,now that is a real miracle!and just in time to hear my principal's endearing talk about the appalling pass rate of my batch....which is like less than 50%..now just imagine half the year 1s gone...now that is quite a comforting  thought since I don't know nuts about most of them..ok,I know that I'm not the model example of a student leader but I never say I want to be one...all these people who I call classmates and friends wants me in Student Council...SC?!Do you guys really want to kill me?I can assure you there are more quicker and painless way to end my life.Such as pushing me in front of a dump truck.Or have Viknesh land on me...Ok,enough bullshitting...where was I?

Oh yeah...listened to a lovely talk..which by the way I was sneezing all the way.My nose is literally a broken pipe that I can't fix.I was sneezing in all the classes...speaking of which,I learned a great deal more about racism in Singapore,it's all around us..Mr Andrew,Yuan and yours truly took turns to hit each other in the face with racist remarks..lucky Hafiz wasn't in it...he would have been insulted anyway he say it...he's an indian-chinese muslim who thinks he's a malay you see..the irony of things..the three of us would have knocked him down!Let me see,after that was physics which was allright and the racial harmony concert followed soon after.Ah,now that was interesting!Watched Hidayah which was cute enough..ah damn it,I will no longer care for girls who don't have a care for me...It is a real irony there,having to give a damn to people that can decide whether or not to give a damn about me...I won't waste my time on these people...But then,you just got to admire her from far...and keep my mind on four things;mainly school,running,rugby and the new member in my family...Now that is quite a handful for a Pre-U 1 student like me...

Went to Chua Chu Kang Stadium to watch MI run...the guys qualified but tough luck for the girls...Heh,I watched the 1500metres C division boys...there were a few "intelectually absent" guys that kicked on the first round.The FIRST ROUND!!!Now they are severely lacking in the brains capacity compartment...haiz...there was this one guy that did 48seconds for his first 300 metres!The guys in A division only did like 52seconds...but then again,you have to admire the boys for their stupidity...they are full of it...and as a bonus for them,most of them came in last...Went back home with Rudy and Sadiq...they were telling me an absolutely funny story  about Rudy's stupidity...haiz...the trouble with normal nowadays...people are going out of their way to become the ultimate epitome of idiocracy...Can't say I'm a big supporter...

Glorious morning today.It was a bit hot but that didn't do anything to change my mood.I reached Chua Chu Kang stadium before 8 and the sun was the brightest I had ever saw.I was hoping that it would be a grey sky morning but what the heck.
 
Did my warm up and all that.Report to the compeititors' steward and got my lane number.It's 14 by the way.Somewhat a lucky number if you know it's significance.My heat got called and we went to the starting line.I changed into my running jersey and put on my spikes.The starter ordered us to get into line and gave the command,"Ke Jarisan."She pulled the trigger and off we went.I don't remember much about the race.Just that I ran 1500metres.And that the finishing judge hold a placard no.8 above my head.And my timing on the big yellow timer,4:40:81.And all that is in my mind since last week is that I must push for a placing in the finals.
 
I got it.
 

Tomorrow morning at eight,I would be at Chua Chu Kang Stadium.Warming up,waiting for my turn to run 3 and 3/4 around the track,a 1500 metres run which would decide whether I'm up there among the best in Singapore.It would decide if  I can reach the peak among the schools in Singapore without depending on an amazing team to saunter to the top.This is my race to run,my own.God,I have always had this chance to go all the way since secondary one but I threw most of them away...I know that my personal best is still miles away from those bloody amazing guys like Chua Ee Ghim,Jeffrey Ng or Du Yang,but what the heck.I'm still determined to compete.
 
To have the will to run.
 
"You might have the strength of Hercules. You might have the legs as fast as the cheetah. You might have the the fins of the dolphin. The wings of the eagle. You might have the tools,the body. But you would not have known greatness until you realise that the most powerful muscle is your heart."  

A bad day for all of us,this black Sunday.The wild boys as usual played soccer today at Pasir Ris.I came at 4.15pm,thinking I was late.In the end I was the first one to arrive.They had actually set the training for 5pm without telling me and I was the lone fool who thought the rest had abandon me..Only 7 came down to Pasir Ris Park;Ariffin,Hafiz vs,Hafiz damai,Yussuf,Shazni,Farid and yours truly...in the end we played against a bunch of old men who were interested in saving their balls then playing soccer.After playing we found out that Ariffin's and Hafiz damai's bag were stolen...Ariffin lost his handphone,wallet containing the usual IC,buspass and a few dollarsand a bunch of clothing attire.Hafiz lost a great deal more...he lost a siemens handphone which he says has a current street value of $200,his mastercard which had a value of around $300,$200 cash and other valuable identities...my heart felt his severe pain when he mention the amount of cash lost...I would groan if I lost even $10!I heard from the others that Hafiz was more "financially secure" than the rest of us,but losing a total value of $700...

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare,
the shadow in the background of the morgue,
the unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
we can live like Jack and Sally if we want
where you can always find me
and we'll have Halloween on Christmas
and in the night we'll wish this never ends
we'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
this sick strange darkness
comes creeping on so haunting every time
and as I stared I counted
the webs from all the spiders
catching things and eating their insides
like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
will you come home and stop this pain tonight
stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)
don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)


Don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)
don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)


Don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)
don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)


(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)

Heh,it's been awhile since I've last update...alot of things had happened since.Let me see what goes on on friday.
 
It was a good start to friday with showers in the morning.We were supposed to have our NAPFA test during PE but in the end we didn't do any running stations, just sit-ups,sit and reach,and  standing board jump.I did 45 sit-ups which got me an A5,flunked my SBJ by jumping 223cm,and got a B4 in my sit and reach.We were wait ing for SBJ when we heard alot of cheering and applause.Turns out Jannah was doing her inclined pull ups and she did enough to pass.Now,if you see her doing that,its real funny...Ok,to other things...had a physics practical that was alright,not too tedious or difficult,then had math.My math tutor is damn gullible,gives us a whole week just to do our assignment...actually,I'm fine with doing it over the weekends..after school,went to Choa Chu Kang Stadium to watch Ferisha and Siti run...They didn't do that well,both getting last in their heats.I thought that both were a bit slow to start as compared to the other competitors...But then again,they should be proud of their timings,both did something around 15.1 seconds..after that I watched the 4*100m C boys...whoah,The Singapore Sports School's team are amazing..They are like the fastest team I watched..and they are only 13 years old,14 at the most...superb performance..I would like see the day when they overthrow the chinese high school...that would be a glorious day indeed...I and Sadiq went to this food court at Yew Tee MRT...damn funny accident happened there..then headed home and slept for like 18 hours till 1pm today..
 
Today I went to school with my mum for Parents day.I thought that the teachers were going to have asick joke ok me,but it turns out to be alright.All of them didn't have any negative thing to say about me,so that was a YEAH! for me.Both Mr Liau,my chemistry tutor and Mr Tan,my physics and civics tutor spoke the usual stuff to my mum...he pays attention,participate in discussions,blah blah blah...Ms Marnee,my malay tutor said that she was glad to have me in her class and I made stupid crappy jokes that made the pepople laugh...after that she whispered to me,"You owe me a million Zaki."yup,anytime cikgu...well Mr Tan wrote this in his remarks...

Zaki is a lively extrovert as well as a good team player.He needs to seek help from his Maths tutor and needs to firm up his weak foundation by revisiting O level concepts.With his grit and determination,he can succeed.
 
Huh,a lively extrovert?What the heck is that?And do I even display grit?haha,at least they didn't say anything bad.I'm happy with that.

I'm blessed to finish this day with nothing more than bruises,scrapes and the team with the quiet determination to conquer all opposition.Even in the morning,I was extremely scared that the year 1s is going to get crucified by the year 2s.The day started well;I just had Chemistry lecture,math,malay and GP.Once the lessons start,I had to put my fears away at the back of my mind,always in the shadows and raring to run havoc in my already racing mind.After classes,I changed up and started practising my throws...from what I did during training on tuesday,it appeared to be bloody off!When Sam came,we played contact 7s...The year 1s lineup-

Hooker-Anders
Prop-Min Yang,Alan
Scrumhalf-yours truly
Standoff-LC
Inside Centre-Zhi Wei
Winger-Sadiq

It was hard to contain the brute force of the year 2s,our forwards were maybe less than half the year 2s forwards' weight.We had to depend on our trump card;our overall team's speed.One thing about the year 1s,they can beat the year 2s at sprinting hands down.We lost the first match 3-2 but then we scored a brilliant try with the backs doing a dummy switch pass;Sadiq bursting through a space in the year 2s defense...It was simply breathtaking..Heh,I scored the second try,it was a tyco fluke,not worth mentioning here...The second match was a contact 10s,however Sam let us play with 11 players...

Hooker-Aliff
Prop-Min Yang,Manan
Second Row-Anders,Alan
Scrumhalf-yours truly
Standoff-LC
Inside Centre-Zhi Wei
Outside Centre-Sadiq
Openside Winger-Gabriel
Blindside Winger-Muru

Again,our tactics was to hit out fast and play a possession game.And once again,I just had to screw my backs up several times...I'm really sorry guys,I'm going to train hard and give you guys better passes..The backs were fantastic,they almost carried out all their set plays if not for my poor distribution...Ah,sucks like hell letting my team mates down...And I paid for it.We won a lineup and the forwards were setting it up for the backs...As I was trying to hands it,the year 2s showed that even if they can run as quickly as us,they are strong as hell.They decided to contest the maul and as they pushed the year 1s' forwards,I got stuck behind the maul and got sucked into the maul.All I remembered was huge body masses steamrolling me over...I wouldn't have time to say my last prayers if I was going to die...then Sam stopped play for an offense and evryone was like asking me if I was ok...All of them had seen me get bulldozed in the maul...haha,talk about balls of fire..I only got away with a few bruises..Only Sadiq got a serious injury;he sprained his left ankle again and he has nationals next week.Other than Sadiq,no one else got an injury..we lost 2-1 but I was just happy that the year 1s got through mostly uninjured...

Speaking of which,I got my NAPFA test tomorrow instead of after National Day..It's going to suck bad..Well nevermind about that.The girls are going to run tomorrow at CCK stadium,I'm not going to miss it for the world!Best of luck girls...Godspeed.

Have you heard of the saying
For those who were playing
You don't know what you got till its gone

Well that was my calling
I knew what I was falling into
something that would be so wrong

But I got hold of myself
And changed for the better
I can't get you out of my mind
Cause something inside
made me realize you were fine

Each time we we're alone
I guess I didn't know
How far we were apart
Should have spoken from heart
I guess I didn't know
That each time you go away,I cry
I can't take all these goodbyes

I know from this feeling
Deep inside there's a healing
I know that i'm in control

Everyday I am yearning
This love I feel burning
Burning right through my soul

So let's make a start
Of something that cannot be broken
The mold its so strong

Treat this love as a child
That grows into something worth while

Chorus

Deep love's so deep
Deep love's so deep, yea
I can't take all these goodbyes

Faithfully, I will be
You will see, please believe me
I can't take all these goodbyes

Chorus

All the time we were alone
Guess I should have really known
Baby you have always been mine
All the time we were alone
Guess I should have really known
Baby you have always been mine

You don't always know if you are on track in your life.Sometimes your well ahead of it,sometimes it's five steps in front of you.I felt both today.It's a strange feeling,being in front and behind time today.Somehow I think that I'm a living example of the Theory of relativity,well half my class don't understand Newton's second law,let alone the theory that Einstein thought of.

Today's class was simple as can be;GP,math and physics.Hah,I learnt a new Mat joke from Mr Andrew.

How do you confuse a Mat?
Put him in a circular room and tell him to relak one corner.

Then Hafiz told me another one.Sorry guys,it's in malay...

Kalau kau nak pukul mat,pukul sampai seluarnye lebar.

It was a bloody discriminatory joke aimed at Mats...haha,my GP class is doing discrimination.Speaking of GP,my math class is doing GP,or Geometric Projection.hah,the irony..well physics we did the dynamics topic,has quite a lot of my classmates puzzling...

Next up,track.On my 4th day of tapering off,Mr Chuah told us to do a 2.4km time trial.Huh what?Hah,sometimes I questioned his training but then,he's the coach.I did a 8.26...after doing a 2.57 for the first two rounds...haha,that was a terrible idea...Worse still,Angelo just didn't want me to get ahead because he thought I was Nicholas...I sacrificed my running plan to continue my surge past him..didn't have much strength to kick hard,maybe doing the last 200m in 37 seconds.After that,I felt like Einstein relativity theory kick in.I watch everyone else continuing their training which has only lasted barely more than 10 minutes.Sometimes I feel like an idiot saving my own butt while others put their's through the pain barrier.But then,I had been through it and both my body and mind haven't break..I'm hoping that it will continue until next tuesday.

Lately,alot of my track team mates had alot of emotional problems;Ferisha suddenly broke down in the track meeting before the training.She later told me that she didn't want to continue in MI anymore,that she wants to go anywhere but MI.I emphatised with her,who in their sane mind would want to stay in MI when they have already qualified for JC?Not my stupid mind,hah...She told me that if I withdrew from MI,she would join me in PJC.I really feel sorry for her,all the things in her life are going wrong and she deserve something more.Hope that her heats on friday would turn out allright..Good Luck Ferisha!Alot more things happened to me during training,but then you clueless people just have to find out somewhere..

Speaking of training,I got a rugby "friendly" 10s training match later against the year 2s.Note the ""...it will be anything but a friendly...the year 1s want to prove that they are capable of holding their own against an experienced team,and the year 2s wanting to kick the year 1s in the ass!Hah,most probably I'm going to be a scrumhalf..although I'm praying hard that I won't get injured...If there isn't a choice,I would just pull myself out of the match and incur the wrath of the year 1s...But then,The Singapore National Schools Track And Field Championships is more valuable than any other competitive sport,either rugby or soccer.

It's the most important event to occur in my life and I'm not going to miss that.

Nothing happened today that is interesting for you to know.Not that you would care anyway,seeing that most people don't.Six billion souls in the world,thousands being taken every minute and you don't even seem to care.Selfish people we are now,not giving a second look on another soul,lest we loses our humanity and our own goddamned lives.Tis a real pity...a real pity.

It has been a fast,if not an uneventful day for me.I realised that we need a lot of this type of days to make up the bulk of our lives;no use having a lot of memorable days if we can't remember them,right?Haha,I only remember going to school,seeing Sadiq make a public apology for smoking in school and getting screwed by the DM,my chemistry practical,having lunch and trying not to sleep in chemistry tutorial.Hmm...I think that's about it.

"Guys,don't go for girls who smoke.They are not as fertile as you think."
"You know that cigarettes contain 4000 different chemicals like arsenic,ammonia and the like;so you might as well put Harpic on your face."
Ivan Lim,Discipline Master,
Millennia Institute

Tonight you're mine
Completely.
You give your love
So sweetly.
Tonight the li-i-ight
Of love is in your eyes,
But will you love me tomorrow?

Is this a lasting
Treasure
Or just a moment's
Pleasure?
Can I belie-e-eve
The magic of your sighs?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Tonight with words
Unspoken
You say that I'm the only one,
But will my heart
Be broken
When the night
(When the night..)
Meets the mor-
(Meets the mor..)
-Ning sun.

I'd like to know
That your love
Is love I can
Be sure of.
So tell me no-o-w
And I won't ask again.
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Whoah,what a rush to the head!I got soccer training with my PAE friends at Pasir Ris Park at 5...I thought that we were going to continue like last week..just kick the ball around and the like.I was very inspired with the ones that came today.The usual brady bunch like Farid,Murshidi,Yussuf,Khairul,Aliff,Ariffin and Khair were there,but new guys like Redhuwan,both the Hafizes,Murshidi's brother,Fred made a full squad with some left for substitutions...we passed the ball around and then played with these guys who were also former schoolmates...Tell you one thing,these guys were huge...ok,maybe a few of them and the rest were about our size..We played a 10-a-side match.this is the wild boys' starting lineup...

Goalkeeper-Aliff
RightBack-Hafiz damai
Fullback-Farid
LeftBack-yours truly
Defensive Midfield-Murshidi
Right Wing-Mus
Left Wing-Fred
Attacking Midfield-Khairul,Yussuf
Centre Forward-Hafiz vs

At first,their right winger was creating trouble down the flanks;Fred couldn't catch up with him and I couldn't get a tackle in...That was until Murshidi roped in and help out containing him;he gave the guy a very hard but fair tackle and the guy went back to defending and never bother about running down the wings.The guys decided to play possesion and camped in their half..there was alot of chances but hafiz vs can't be there all the time to convert it..When we decide that they can't really send the ball to their forwards,we change our line up to a even more attacking one..

Goalkeeper-Farid
RightBack-Hafiz damai
LeftBack-Khair
Anchor-Aliff
Right Wing-Mus
Left Wing-Yours truly
Centre Midfield-Redhuwan
Attacking Midfield-Khairul
Left Forward-Yussuf
Right Forward-Ariffin
Striker-Hafiz vs

But then again,most of the time it was only Hafiz damai and Khair staying back to defend.They were really disciplined to stick to their posts and their man after all,we were shooting most of the time!Ariffin was the one sending the crosses everytime to the waiting Hafiz vs,Yussuf or me to tap or head the ball in.We depended alot on him as neither Yussuf or me could give a very good cross to Hafiz vs.Either Ariffin or Khairul would be spoonfeeding us the ball...haha,we were damn lousy at shooting!ok,at least I'm lousy...Most of the time,their attacks would stop at Redhuwan,we were very exposed at the back and had to gain possesion before the ball reaches our half.And he,as usual,did a fine job of getting the ball back..Well the match wouldn't be worth nuts if we played an extremely attacking lineup but we didn't score a goal at all..

We won 8-1.

What a heck of a day!I think that I would remember this day for the rest of my life..I thought it would be another bloody boring saturday,woke up and went to school for chemistry...I was sitting with hafiz and he is a real funny guy,always keep talking about going to the zoo(its a insider joke)and Liau's Law(another bloody lame insider joke)..after the tutorial,sadiq wanted to go to Clementi to eat so reluctantly hafiz followed me,diyana and him...We ate at the shop near the Singapore Post and throughout the whole meal we were bullshitting about all kinds of stuff like poking at hafiz's indian-chinese background,sadiq's teeth gap and diyana's blurness..sadiq ask me to follow him to town to play pool,but I didn't really feel like going,and I also didn't feel like going home yet...so I ended up at Jurong Point.There I was again,bored to certain death,walking in Jurong Point when suddenly I felt attracted to zone x and I headed there..I was squeezing between people getting high on video games when I was this guy playing the percussion freak 10th mix,this game where you play a drumset.I just know who this guy was and I tapped his shoulder when he finished playing.

It was Fahmi,my best friend since primary school.

Oh my God,it's like seeing your long lost brother for the first time and seeing him all grown up.I knew that he was in Pioneer JC and all..but he has changed so much...well,we are still around the same height,but he must be like 8kgs heavier than me..Damn,I know I sound like a gay,but I miss talking to him so much...we like talked for about 5 hours,just about primary school,secondary school,our schools now,our significant third Ain,our friends,games,girls,you named it,we must have talked about it.Fahmi is still somewhat clueless about girls(now that didn't changed!)I asked him about a dozen girls I know at PJC and he didn't know even half of that..hah,figures...and he still a great mind at games,knowing more games than Gamespy!And a new upgrade,he taught himself to play the damn guitar!he says he sucks at it but the only instrument I can play is the protactor...and that only because I had to..haha..

Fahmi also showed his maturity by sticking to himself before the Os and ignoring the guys in BLSS...I was surprised,shocked really,to find out that this guy Fiezwan from my primary school is in ITE now..it's sad that's all..But then life is what you do with it,not what it does to you...and my man Fahmi is pretty much in control of his own life.

I learned a damned important lesson with my best friend today;opinions and views may matter to your popularity and fame,but in the end all that matters is what you think of your life and do with it.

Today was a mix of emotions for me.It's like you dipping into a packet of M&Ms and you don't really know what colour to expect.Seriously I was unprepared for what today had in store for me.

I woke up late,rushing to pack my stuff for school and my track time trials later on.I reached my usual bus stop at 7am and finally caught bus 77 at about 7.22...I was expecting to be late but then just as I was walking through the tennis court area,I heard,

"Please come down for assembly now."

Hah,I was right on time!Didn't expect that right?Niway got PE which was the usual heart thumping drill for me,satiated my my appetite during recess and got a good headache doing my physics practical and just as I was walking back,my GP teacher caught up with me and gave back my GP paper.I bloody failed it!Well I passed paper 2 but I got a freaking 12/50 for my bloody essay!All because it was irrelevent to my topic.Then why give me a 12 IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE!Bloody pissed about the paper man..well lets see my targets and my actual results..

General Paper:T-B4,A-F9
Malay:T-C6,A-C6
Chemistry:T-C,A-C
Mathmematics:T-F,A-F
Physics:T-C,A-C

Heh,I would have been promoted to Year 2...the only glitch I didn't saw was GP,about 3/4 of my class flunked it,but then considering I was scoring distinctions all these while...well my ego got burnt yea...

So there I was,calming myself on the 200m line and "Go!"...heh,I did alright for my 1500m time trial,did a 4:48:21...I'm not pleased with myself,just satisfied that I'm peaking at the right moment now..I was expecting myself just to break 4:50 and I got around that,now all I got to do is to kick in fast for my last 200m..didn't really explode out like what I used to do...haha,I'm patronising myself again...hmm,I got a look at C Main division rugby during training..Bedok South against Greenridge...the westsiders won by a try..It wasn't a all out clean match,but they were at least a bit more honourable than what I see at A division..

Aniway ate dinner with the team just now,they were bugging me about why syarina wasn't there.What the heck am I supposed to say?I'm not even close with her,let alone talk to her...amalia was rolling her eyes to the sky when that happens..heh,she just get cuter and cuter everytime I see her..she was the one begging me to eat dinner and all I ate was a ice cream waffle.hah.Now that sucks.Hmm..I don't want to speak of coincidences but I got a strange feeling about this amalia but I'm keeping the cards to myself for now..You figure that out.

Life.What is Life?The dictionary defines life as the active force that make man,plants and animals different from machinery and devices.But then,my life wouldn't be the meaningless shadow of the dictionary's definition.I see the people around,wondering what they are thinking about,maybe thinkging about what to get for lunch later.or what a boring job my new math teacher is doing of teaching sequences and series,or maybe something more darker and intimate about their lives.

Intimacy.I had not heard that word for a long time now.Having not be intimate with anyone now,I'm starting to miss that feeling.The feeling of sharing my thoughts with somebody,The relieving of the burden of telling a secret to someone in my heart.That heart is void now of any life.Empty promises,broken vows and undeserving maturity make it as it is now.Even when someone tries to cheer me up,it is like wherever light goes,darkness is constantly waiting for it.

Light.I have been waiting for it to come back into my life.My heart have known darkness for much too long,and I have missed what the light can do to my shadows.What the light can expunge from my soul.

He who fears the darkness has not seen what the light can do.
Magic,The Gathering

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Today is Youth Day.A day when everyone who is either young or young at heart celebrate their youthfullness or the lack of it.Personally I don't mind having it as a holiday even if my youth is fading,slowly but surely,as I have other things on my mind than school.I'm still recoiling against the effects of yesterday and I don't even feel like going out into the world today.Haidar called me while I was still in bed and ask me to accompany him to the library.We went to Jurong Library and then later to Jurong Point.The more I saw the different perspectives of the people around me and the way they lead their own lives,the more my mind get jaded and tiresome,like a mortally wounded wolf giving up its fight against an aggressive pack.Today I'm supposed to celebrate my youth in the world.But I'm not even young anymore.

Nothing is ever at face value.Just when you thought something great has happen to you,it rears its ugly head and smite you in the face.I thought I learned that lesson.That lesson came back to screw my goddamned life all over again.Sometimes I think,"Screw this world.Screw my life.Just screw it."

Yesterday I thought the girl that I really like since secondary 1 sms me.I was surprised to find her smsing me,shocked when she said that she was waiting for me since secondary 3.Naturally,I was mildy flattered when she said she was willing to give a chance for us to be together.Although I rarely gave her a thought all these years later,that bloody fire in my heart sparked up again and I jumped in.Only to realise that this was all a fucking goddamned test.A fucking goddamned test by the powers that be.Do you even realise how fucked up I feel?The way you manipulated me outright,the way I fall into your trap..How the hell can you even sleep at night? I can't even trust you anymore.

I had enough of these screwed up "tests".Enough of your goddamned manipulation.Enough of your sadistic thoughts and plans.Enough of you saying you trusted me when you set this alluring traps to fuck me up.Enough of you trying to catch me in the act with some girl.Enough of you saying you loved me.

I don't even trust you anymore.

Woke up this morning,having no need to go to school..I called sadiq and he just woke up at 9.30am..we met up at Bkt Btk bus interchange,took the bus and reached school exactly before the guys' paper end...then the bunch of people filed out and we headed to the bus stop,met aina and narita..i sat next to narita and got to know her quite a bit...

Ah,the joy of playing soccer for 3 hours straight,simply delight,not to mention a real strain on any athlete's cardiovascular aerobic system...I was damned shagged at the end of it,sadiq scoring a bloody nice chip over idham...speaking of which,he is one heck of a guy;he flew across the goalmouth to save some amazing would-be goals from sadiq and me...and I oversprained my right big toe,wouldn't be doing any running on it for any time being..haha,everyone got a bloody injury from playing so long...we didn't mind though,everyone was truly great:"zidane"idham,"buffon"aliff,azhari,annur,aung,sadiq...

Aniway,while we were waiting for the bus,we saw this group of YISS students around...there was this malay guy,I think only sec 1 jugding from his shorts,holding this girl in his arms..it was kinda cute until it hit me,aren't they a wee bit young to be doing that?alright,I know the knives are coming out to stab me in the back b'cos I have done the same thing before,but the feeling of deja vu never left my mind...especially now.

My life has been baseless lately...first off, my math paper...to tell you the truth,I'll be lucky if I can get a O level pass for math...and that is only better than a F..I screwed up my logarithms,indices,partial fractions,binomial theorems...pretty much everything I tried learning...ah crap,I hoped they can't send me back to Hong Kah..I'll be the laughing stock of the school!haiz,I counted 13 lost marks for the questions that I didn't do..then after the paper,I felt totally lost and I just walked around aimlessly...hah.I went back,miserable and lost,to a house void of any lifeforms and food.Did a run that wasn't enjoyable at all,took a cold shower and sleep,

ignored and forgotten by the mad world.

"Forsake yourself, and be forsaken."
Scottish quote