Life sucks,so what?Rangers Lead The Way!

I seriously thought today was going to be a bad day.Why?I woke up late,and therefore was late for the M1 rugby school series competition.I know,the most important player should have come even later,but I didn't want to make the guys anymore worried than they already are.When I reach Yio Chu Kang Stadium,I realised one very dumb thing.
1.We were up against RJC in the first match.
2.Sufian,Gabriel,Akira,Fareez and me were there.
3.It is a six-a-side touch rugby competition.
I had thoughts of withdrawing MI from the competition but the guys persuaded me that they are able to play with one man down.So we just heck it played like the jackasses that we are.It was the most awesome,exhausting ten minutes of rugby I had ever played.I was running,shouting out preplanned plays(useless as they are in touch but still a great decoy)and chasing guys up and down the pitch.Even though we lost 3-0,I think the team did allright.I mean,being one man down,practising makeshift moves ten minutes before the game and just whacking it with two year ones who started playing touch last month?It was allright by my standards.I got to make friends with some of the RJC players and we talked abit about our team.The captain of their team traded some banter with me and we had split up our teams and made new ones to have a friendly between us.It was a really nice second match,even if it's off the record.And we got away with some silverware,rather than the poor secondary school mats that played for jack.Trust me,the U17 guys weren't even good.They obviously got to do better if they want to reach A division standard.

"Some are Born to sweet Delight.
Some are Born to sweet Delight,
Some are born to Endless Night."

Auguries of Innocence
William Blake

Didn't have much to do today,that's why I've been reading up on poetry.And also training.And I still have time to write some testimonials for my friends.Some of my friends can really write nice testimonials;absolutely incomprehensible,but nice.

Some days are the ones that you just can't forget.I will never forget this day.At 12.06pm,Onyx house was declared the overall house champion for MI's 2nd annual track and field meet.The journey we took to reach this was overwhelmingly long.Like I said before,the captains;Azar,Siti and Anisha,really prepare hard for this event.They virtually left no stone unturned.Really proud of my house spirit committee Hardi and Joanne,I don't know how you pull it off but you moved Onyx to the rhythm of your beat.The cheerleaders also did Onyx really proud.Synchronized and totally awe-inspiring,all your hard work really paid off.Just in case I forgot something,here's what happen for that six hours.

I reached Toa Payoh Stadium at 6.40am by taxi.When I came into the stadium,I could see Garnet's cheerleaders already suited up and rehearsing their moves.Onyx's cheerleaders came a few minutes after me.I could see that they were a bit tense but they were all smiles about it.I then talked a bit with Mr Ram,my house master,to pass the time.Soon the others came and we started putting up banners and posters, painted barcodes onto our hands and went through the cheers with Hardi and Joanne.We had the usual attendance taking and assembly.Then all the house captains had to meet Mr Heikal for the marching in of the house colours.Onyx had all the captains,exco and a few extras for the contingent.Plus a Phoenix mascot that suspiciously look like a chicken.Oh well,you can't get it all.I was the flagbearer and I was damn proud to see the flag flapping in the gentle breeze.Hafiz from Bartley who was the mascot did a little dance and faked being shot when Mrs Ong fired the pistol to declare the meet open.Heh,that was funny.

We started with the 100m finals.Onyx didn't have much sprinters so I didn't paid much attention.Although I know Julie and Muru got placed.I,Hafiz and Vicknesh started warming up for 1500m and went up to register.There were only like a few guys and most of them are track people.I wasn't pretty confident of myself after what happen during the cross-country and I did my best to follow Hafiz.I felt that Hafiz went out too fast and when he slowed down after the first round,I had no choice but to set the pace.Another amazing thing.During the race I could hear the announcer saying "Here comes two Onyx runners leading around the bend!".And when I kicked during the home stretch,"Onyx is finishing with a sprint!".Now that is good to hear.Something happen with Angelo and Nicholas;they started too slow and I didn't hear them at all during the race although I felt constantly threatened by them.

I didn't know what really happened after the 1500m.I was dizzy like I'm drunk and Hafiz was really out of it.I did remember Anisha and I making a formal complaint to Mr Velu about her being out of the 1500m girls.And Hafiz the Phoenix danced some more.What else?Oh yeah,we totally sucked at the Novelty race,something about running blind or something.We also sucked at the teacher's race.But there was three things I clearly remembered while I was lightheaded.Onyx was the only house to fill up the the three spots on the podium.No other house did that.Another thing was the cheerleading competition.Sapphire was alright,Garnet was pulling all the shots and Zircon was impressive.But when Onyx came on,they were electrifying!Everyone,at least in my house,was standing and screaming like hell.Onyx seemed to have the X-factor that the other cheerleaders lack.It was really power to the core.I was blown away by the explosive routine.The last thing was the mixed parluff.We lost,again.We thought we could capitalize on Andrew's early lead but the other houses had more sprinters than we did.Anisha did her best to cut the lead but when I got the baton,we were 100m behind the second last team.I thought "Oh shit.No way in hell can Michael Johnson catch up with them.Well then.Run fast,and look good trying."And I was surprised to have some of the Onyx people telling me I ran really well after the race.It's all in the running posture man!

When it came to the final prize-giving session,I can tell you we were depressed.Having lost all the relays today was enough for us I can tell you.And I became more anxious as the other houses got their medals and trophies.No one from Onyx received the indiviual champion.Then when results for the cheerleading competition came out,we were all quiet.Garnet third,and Zircon second.I was praying real hard for our cheerleaders to win.And they did.Then there was the Spirit of the House award,given to the house which has shown the most spirit during the meet.Onyx took it again.Two out of four main awards given.We were all waiting for the results of the overall House champion.I was wishing hard for that trophy.When the announcer named Onyx,I was stumped.Then I screamed like mad.And screamed some more.See,it was a good day for me and Onyx today.Real good.

Captains of Onyx

House spirit rules!

Little birdie..

Fine catch.

Heh,I screwed my GP paper up.Now that is something you don't see always.I was really off the mark for the first time in my life.And I did it for both my essay and paper two.Well fuck it,I got four other papers to pass next month and I can't cry over sour milk.More like fermented curds.Ah yes,I seemed to have return to my old sarcastic self after a long period of brooding.I'm out of the mess I've made for now and savouring every moment.Heh,you can even see my smile through the shit on my face.Whoah,I've been wanting to say that for a long time.A very long time.

Six weeks to fly and my MI track and field meet kicking it off.I'm super proud of my Onyx house captain Anisha and the exco members who help us prepare for the big day tomorrow.Also want to thank Siti and Azar(Is this spelling correct?),the Bartley captains who have gone out of their way to come to Toh Tuck and talk with us.And I'm also proud of my cheerleading team;they are full of surprises and put their heart all in it.And I'm proud of the banners and all.And the house t-shirt also!It has got to have the best looking logo of the four houses.Beat that Zircon and Garnet!I'm sorry if I have been a sorry ass humping the ground.Really I am.A sick sorry self.Got to thank all these people,otherwise Onyx would just be like any other house.Whatever it is,I'm almighty proud of all these people and I just praying real hard that everything pays off tomorrow.It's the least I can do for Onyx.

The gauntlet has now been thrown at my feet.It's just a matter of whether I choose to pick it up and fight or just run away like the coward I usually am.The last time this happened,I picked it up and hurled it back to the asshole's face.I figured this time I have to do the same.Last time to do it.Can't hide anymore.

Somehow I feel the world is doing fine without me.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

John Barrymore

Regrets have been haunting me before I sleep.Regret,fear,anxiety and desperation.I myself do not know the cause of this distress and when it all started.Perhaps it all started weeks ago at that dreaded 4.5km course.For the life of me,I do not understand why I am petrified of running.No,not running;racing.I'm ashamed of not taking part in the heats today.But I'm more ashamed of what will happen if I ran.Notice I said will because I know I still am lacking self-esteem,confidence,whatever you want to call it.My grades are suffering,my schoolwork undone,I dreaded going to school because I fear meeting my team mates.I know their confidence in me since is seriously misplaced.No one is a better judge than myself.I have been blaming almost everything for what is going on in my life.All the while I thought it had been rugby.It isn't.Running have been my curse.

Both my mind and body is exhausted.I need a break now.

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You’re barely waking
And I’m tangled up in you
Yeah

I’m open, you’re closed
Where I follow, you’ll go
I worry I won’t see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I’m quiet you know
You make a first impression
I’ve found I’m scared to know I’m always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

Of all the days Bob Marley had to die today.That certainly sets off the day for me.To all those who wished me well,I'm sorry that none of it came true.To Anders and Shazrul who shared this day with me,I sure hope your day are better than me.It wasn't a day with shitty events,just overly complicated ones.

My PW for one.I got to send my preliminary ideas to Mrs Chong by 5.30pm and mne is sure as hell doesn't come close to the required one.Everyone is rushing around just so they can finish it on time.I got to burn more than the mignight oil if I want to complete it nicely.The coming week is going to be packed withthe PI submission,Institute day rehearsal and the day itself,the Tang quartet concert,sports day preparations and heats and the semi final on friday.

I sure as well deserved to play in yesterday's match.And I sure as hell have a right to leave a team that just let me warm the bloody bench from last season.I had enough of this shit.I might be the smallest and lightest guy in the whole competition but I worked my ass off just to wear the number twenty jersey.Otherwise just give me any other number and I will sit on the bloody bench and rot myself off during training.I already speak out for myself and it doesn't as hell work.The others won't.Sure as fuck the guys playing for MI isn't a team.What the hell is my job suppose to be?Sacrifice my skin in a suicide match just so Sam can rest someone important?What the fuck am I?Cannon fodder?Seriously I am questioning the qualifications of someone else against my hard work.Heck,I was even willing to resign as housecaptain just so I can focus more on rugby.How much till someone regconise what I do?I failed all my common tests,I'm way behind in schoolwork,my relationship is on the rocks,I'm way off from my personal best for 1500m.How fucking much more?Or when everything is gone does Sam finally tell me that I'm no longer needed?

Well at least I know someone doesn't need me anymore.She said it's over.With this Saturday supposing to be our third year anniversary.Welcome to Adulthood Zaki.The best birthday present I can get.A welcoming party.To hell.

These past two days have been a real brainstoming for me.Of the many things I pondered on was Machiavelli's The Prince.A really nice,thought-provoking book if you ask me.Although I think the translation from the original italian version is a bit off.Of the many things in my life I focused on rugby.We didn't get what most of us had aimed for,and now it's just a matter of recovering our lost pride.After the 15s A division,there will be the 10s.The year threes;Navin,Johnny,Vicknesh,Muthu, iq,Max,Chandran,Han Chin and Shazrul,won'tbe eligible for it.So that leaves the year twos to lead the year ones on.I think we shouldn't put training on hold after this competition ends.The 10s starts around August and we have four months to maintain the edge and get something good out of it.I just hope the others have the same thoughts as me.

Whatever happens on tuesday later,we are going to make it work.Thank you my brothers;Navin first of all for the cold hard advice,I will never forget when you gave me my jersey and told me to play for my jersey.Mutu for making me see that we would rather play for the team well and lost than play for ourownselves and won.Sadiq,for telling me we have to be strong for ourselves,the year threes and the new year ones.Vicknesh for reminding me that you can smile about it when you're down and out.Johnny,Shazrul,Afiq,Max for showing me the real meaning of playing out for the team.Thank you all.

Hell of a day today.School was well,boring.The two highlights of the day was that the heats today being postponed to a later date and that I managed to rescue my bike from the depths of the rust dungeon.

"Sleep... Oh! how I loathe those little slices of death...."
Edgar Allen Poe.

Yeap,I too hate sleeping.These past four days are full of memories that may take some time for sleep to forget.Last Friday we played ACJC.A new SRU rule is that the referee can call a match to an end if the scoreline reaches 80.Suffice to say we finished the whole sixty minutes unlike YJC.I know that my performance wasn't up to par,and despite what Jonathan or the other seniors say,I still believed self-criticism is the most truthful.I know that some of the year one,even though they only had three weeks of basic rugby training,played their heart out.In the first ten minutes of the match,Faisal broke the bone in his upper arm in three pieces and thought he only dislocated his shoulder.As for me,there wasn't much bruises or cuts,just that my balls shrunk to quarter its size by halftime.Anymore and I might as well just play touch rugby.

Which I did the next day.We had the M1 fun touch carnival at Ngee Ann City and we had to get there by nine in the morning.The girls were already changed into their attire by the time I reached there.As usual there were two boys teams and I was in the "developing" squad.Navin had Zhi Wei,Sadiq,Akira and Max on his team.Four playmaking Backs!Max was the only weak link and he didn't play most of the time.As for me,I had Vicknesh,Nas,Ramdan and James.Vicky is good at decoying people,but you can't trust him to get to the tryline in touch rugby.For both matches I had to teach the three year ones the finer points in defending and attacking.Can't let the year ones alone on the court,they wouldn't know what to do by themselves.Not that Vicky and I did much.We were out in the group stages unlike Team A which lasted till the Semis.And the only thing I remembered was the diving touch I made against the Fat Cats,a group of former RJC ruggers.That I remember.

Speaking of which,I also met Syazwani and her JJC touch team.They also make it into the Semis I think.Couldn't say the same thing for the girls touch.They were out by even before they played their second group game.I think Hazwana did wrong by putting her team into defensive and offensive groups.And since the girls haven't learn to retain the ball,they were running in and out,catching themselves unaware by the quick counterattacking style of the other girls teams.

She was there,watching me play.I was alright with it except that I couldn't divert attention from the team.We fought a bit because of a misunderstanding and was over it soon enough.After the competition while we were at Habourfront,she bought Sadiq,Navin,Max and Vick some drinks at the Coffee Club.We had two Hungry Irishmans and a mango smoothie split up amongst ourselves.The guys were really surprised by the gesture and acted like the gentlemen we are.

Faisal was warded at Alexandra Hospital and it has been almost eighteen years since I visited the place.Not that I remembered it much as a newborn.We spent some time looking for his ward and bed and met some relatives of his.Faisal looked like he was really high and his whole arms was in bandages.We pulled a few gags to cheer him up,like when Sadiq gave him a get well present(now that is some shit!)Navin and the rest went to speak to his mother while I stayed to see how's he is doing now.Faisal assured me that even though he had second thoughts now about tackling,he would still stay in rugby.The balls of the guy.I know that depression would set in a few days after a serious injury and we have to talk to him every once in a while now.His mum was really touched and I think he was too.Just another thing,he received a teddy bear from some girl.It wouldn't be funny if not for the words "Well done" on its stomach.

Shit,this is getting to be a long post,but stay with me for a while.After the visit we decided to eat in town as Navin had to get his Fossil watch back.So then we had to walk from lucky plaza all the way to Tanglin mall just to get it.The distance wasn't much except for Vicky that is.When we reach there the whole of MI was already there,selling pretty much useless stuff at high prices.Maybe not the whole of MI,but more than half of MI take Economics and it was a economics sale.Pretty shitty stuff.More shitty stuff ahead.Sadiq got to know that his best friend VJ broke his leg while playing in a supposedly interclass soccer tournament.Armizat who is the soccer captain saw that there were insufficient teams and he invited other schools to take part.And what do you know,the same school that broke Faisal's arm also broke VJ's leg.VJ and Sadiq had decided to go on the CIP trip together and now this.Oh yeah,there's hell to pay this week and I have a gut feeling that Armizat is getting his just desserts.And just when you thought that soccer and rugby were getting close to each other..Shitty stuff indeed.As compared to what happened today and on Sunday,this is shitty stuff indeed.

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Extreme
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Low
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Test