Life sucks,so what?Rangers Lead The Way!

I had enough of all you people trying to get me on your side and fight your own cause.Enough of people not able to fend off for themselves.I'm done being the nice guy,go fight your own stupid battles and leave me alone;I'm playing Archmage.

Santa Claus,can I have this shoe for Christmas?It will be a nice addition to my run...Thanks old man!

I just realised when I was out buying dinner that there is a full moon tonight.Next to the stars,the moon is most probably the most admired thing in the night sky.Can't help but wonder,with a shape of a perfect circle,is there any inperfections that can mar the beauty of the moon?

I then looked a bit closer at the surface of the moon and saw the craters,made by collisions with flying meteors,standing out all over the moon.I could almost swear I saw the Sea of Tranquility at the western hemisphere,but then people might not believe a guy wearing glasses.It struck me,it is these craters marking the surface of the moon that makes the moon beautiful.Imagine having a moon that is perfect all over.Yes,it might be perfect,but it would be boring to look at after a while.I remember the time Safikha and I were at the Linkin Park concert and all the while we were looking at the moon.It was drop dead gorgeous(no disrespect to you Safikha) and as much I tried,I couldn't stop looking at it.

The same can be said about us people.It is these imperfections in people that makes us attracted to them.It might be a physical or abstract characteristic.It might be the way a guy try to look at you without you knowing it.The way a girl blush when you call her Petom or Khalsom or Midah(always like seeing Shaheda's reaction).Most guys(by most,I mean many not including me)like the curves on Halle Berry.Girls on the other hand,may ogle Ian Thorpe's body or something like that.Personally I like to see Ferisha run;it's very relaxing.

Those boyfriends or girlfriends you thought were perfect were just putting up a show behind their real personality.It's disrespectful to people,offensive to me,if you have to act somebody else to get our attention.Why be a copy of someone when you can be an original you?I don't get it especially.I'm not a mat,never claim to be a mat.I never claim to be the different concepts guys choose in this age of our lives.I'm not a hip-hopper,I just listen to different genres of music.I'm proud of the fact I can't skateboard,I can only do a freeze and I don't taper my pants.I'm going to bloody hell punch your face if you called me a poseur and that I run to impress everyone.

I'm damned proud to win The 2001 Streetwise Run.Its 12.5km route almost killed me and there I got my personal best;46:13.If there is one quick surefire way to wreck my ego and get my respect,its through running.I don't get people not coming for training and when they do come,not really working hard.What's the bloody point then?Might as well quit track and go for your PE lesson.There is a reason why people call it training,and doing a 4minute lap for someone who can do 37secs for their 200m is just too much.The same goes for rugby.I got my first medal not through running but through rugby.It was the U-12 Bukit Timah district mini-rugby compettion.We were the last batch that got into the nationals and we did well enough,clinching second.That has a special meaning for me in playing rugby.So if you don't come for training and want to play in friendlies,you better join another CCA like interact club.People say there is a serious streak that I rarely show,and I have to agree with that.But if I'm serious,you better don't laugh in my face or I'm going to commence shitface.

I'm damned proud that I run for my schools in the nationals,either track or cross-country.I'm proud that I was on the field playing against RJC that day.I'm also proud of Syafiqa,the girl I never thought I would meet.

I'm also glad the moon is shining bright tonight.

I can feel your stare
I'm caught up in the after glare
Something tells me you're not there
Mindless and abused
You don't know you're losing you
Your everything has been misused

Can't you see what I'm trying to say?
Don't you see that you're in pain?
You're in pain
Can't you see what I'm trying to say?

Anti-freeze and aeroplanes
Killing you and killing me
I'll tell you what, we can fly away
Anti-freeze and aeroplanes

Before you know you're much too weak
To the point the fall's too steep
It's too late now
It's too late now
You're in too deep

Can't you see what I'm trying to say?
Can't you see what I'm trying to say?

Anti-freeze and aeroplanes
Killing you and killing me
I'll tell you what, we can fly away
Spread your wings and shed the pain

Spiraling down
Spiraling
I'm so down now
falling...
falling..
falling..
falling...
falling...
falling...
falling..

Anti-freeze and aeroplanes
killing you and killing me
I'll tell you what, we can fly away
Spread your wings and shed your pain

Anti-freeze and aeroplanes
Killing you and killing me
Tell you what, we can fly away

Anti-freeze and aeroplanes...

Damn,I didn't feel like doing much today.Didn't step out of the house other than to the nearby shop.I woke up at 1500,not realising that it is damn late in the afternoon.At first when I woke up,I glanced at the sunlight coming through my bedroom window and think, Chemistry Lecture! but then at looking at the clock,I realised WTF and just slowly took a bloody long bath...very short by an average girl's standards.After that,I basically become the lazy person I am...

didn't reply to my friends' messages(because I had no more value),
didn't go for a run(because my racer is still wet),
didn't eat(because there isn't anything to eat),
didn't do jack(because I'm overwhelmingly lazy).

So what am I supposed to do?I do have a right to take a rain check on my life.So I have at the computer for little more than two hours now,but what the heck,my internet bill is consistently around $21 now and I could indulge abit in my roll over hours...So yeah,here I am indulging in my wants,I realised I wanted very few things in life.
-My boots are still intact.
-My trainers have taken a beating but they are still good to go,my racer still look brand new(always trying to keep them that way).
-I'm fine with my internet connections even though it is abit slower than the broadband stuff my friends are having.
-The money I get for school is alright;not too much,not so little that I will look like a pauper.
-For rugby,the only thing I think was a nice extra is the Gilbert rugby gloves my brother gave me as a birthday present.



-My handphone is a Nokia 3310,I might be wistfully looking at that foldable Nokia Handphone(sorry,I don't remember what models handphones are unlike some people) but my 3310 gets the job done.
-I use a prepaid card and I think that getting an extra 1000+ SMS is a nice but extravagant touch.
-My computer is a Pentium 3 upgrade and it doesn't have stuff like a cd writer,Iomega drives and such.
-I'm still playing the first Diablo game that was released about 8 years ago,alot longer than the average life of a game.
-My knowledge of music is restricted to the radio in my room,the MTV I rarely watch at my cousin's place and the odd cd I either get Aung to burn or buy in HMV(and its usually the odd band I find and I find the music alright).
-I could use mass weight gainer and creatine supplement but I still haven't find the time to get my privilege card from GNC in City Square in Johor.
-I would need to buy Physics TYS soon,seeing the dismal grade I got in common test.
-It's nice to add a book every month or so to my military book collection,but most topics are already covered except for maybe Clausewitz's On War,a book first published during the Franco-Prussian War.

So I think that's about it. What else do I want in my life?Not a lot.

Well I'm back in the class
Falling out of your past
All the letters that I wrote
And you thought as a joke
And the phone never rings
When you're cold and it stings
All the holidays suck
By myself 'cause I am fucked
And I'm dying, dying, dying

So how does it feel?
How does it feel?
'Cause it's tearing me apart
How does it feel?
How does it feel?
'Cause it's tearing me apart

Well I'm back for some more
Round two was a bore
And you're driftin' away
'Cause you want it that way
And I'm picking up pieces
Of hearts that completely
Are broken in two
So it must have been you
While you're lying in bed
With somebody new

You cannot convince me anymore
You cannot control me like before
You cannot convince me anymore
You cannot control me like before
How does it feel?

And it's 1:45
And I'm feeling alive
I've got it all
And it's your last call
There's somebody new
And she's better than you
You've been replaced
By a prettier face
So look who's crying now

We don't wanna be the enemies of what we used to be
we don't wanna be the enemy of what we used to be

Peace finally arrived at my doorstep.A sombre,almost deathlike...Not at all like the glorious satiating one that that most civilisations enjoy now..It's the kind prisoners have right before the firing squad is unleashed upon them.The kind samurai of antiquity enjoy at finding a warrior better than him.I have finally found it now.

It was a day that is different from other days.I knew that I'm going to fail my chemistry common test,but seeing my paper now sets the reality of life.Fight or run.Run,and see me not getting promoted next year.Or fight the next 43 days and see me just making it through.My teachers are too busy to look out for my class,seeing the futile,hopeless state it is in now.Anyway they are not supposed to be there to guide us all the way.

If there is a chance for my class to survive this crisis,I have to make them see things the way I see it now.I have to make tham see the consequences of what is coming if they choose to leave their lives to fate.I have to....no,I must.

Its very hard sometimes to carry on fighting when all the dominoes have collapsed upon themselves.The thought of giving up will run through every mind that have seen the odds stacked heavily against them.Some may even consider the fine art of Seppuku,a honourable custom in Japan but outright illegal in Singapore.Damn,I got myself into this mess and it's all my bloody fault.

My common test was,to say the least,disastrous.Keep in mind that disastrous is in fact an euphemism for what my common tests was.It is like a personal nuclear apocalypse.I must have huge fiery balls if I can smile at Miss Loke while she's telling me she was disappointed with me.

Huge fiery balls indeed.

Mr Tan already say my whole class might as well set the school record for the highest percentage of failures.And forget about my Chemistry.That's gone in a blazing tornado.

I have about 45 more days before my promo exams.
It's gonna be one heck of a time if I guess correctly.

There was a man,
A lonely man,
Who would command,
And he's playin,

And Solitaire's the only game in town,
And every road that takes her takes him down,
And by himself it's easy to pretend,
He'll never love again,

And keeping to himself he plays the game,
Without her love it always ends the same,
While life goes on around him everywhere,
He's playing Solitaire...

Of all the tests I wish I hadn't take in my more than 10 years of education,that one chemistry paper would be one.It is full of shit,even more than GP paper.It has more blanks than Maths paper and it is definitely the worst paper I had ever took.For the first time in my whole entire life,I actually got a panic attack sitting on a paper.A bloody panic attack!Damn,I was never felt this way,either in running or in rugby.By the looks of it,I would get at the most 10/30 for my section B.Looks like I'm going down now.Shit.

I was just surfing the net when I came across this story.
It might be true,it might be false,
but life tends to imitiate fiction.
Damn if this happens to me.

10th grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at
the girl next to me. She was my so called "bestfriend".
I stared at her long, silky hair, and
wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me
like that, and I knew it. After class, she
walked up to me and asked me for the notes she
had missed the day before and handed them to
her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the
cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know
that I don't want to be just friends, I love her
but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her.She was in tears,
mumbling on and on about how
her love had broke her heart. She asked me to
come over because she didn't want to be alone,so I did.
As I sat next to her on the sofa,
I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine.
After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and
three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep.
She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a
kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want
her to know that I don't want to be just
friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I
don't know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My
date is sick" she said; he's not going to go.
Well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we
made a promise that if neither of us had dates,
we would go together just as "best friends".
So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I
was standing at her front door step! I stared at
her as she smiled at me and stared at me with
her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she
doesn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then
she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave
me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her,
I want her to know that I don't want to be just
friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I
don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before
I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched
as her perfect body floated like an angel
up onstage to get her diploma.
I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice
me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone
went home, she came to me in her smock and hat,
and cried as I hugged her.
Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and
said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave
me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I
want her to know that I don't want to be just friends,
I love her but I'm just too shy, and I
don't know why.

A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church.
That girl is getting married now.
I watched her say "I do"and drive off to her new life,
married to another man. I wanted her to be mine,
but she didn`t see me like that, and I knew it.
But before she drove away, she came to me
and said "you came!".
She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek.
I want to tell her, I want
her to know that I don't want to be just
friends, I love her but I'm just too
shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a
girl who used to be my "best friend".
At the service, they read a diary entry she had
wrote in her high school years. This is what it
read:

"I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he
doesn't notice me like that,and I know it.I want to tell him
,I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends,I love him
but I'm just too shy,and I don't know why.
I wish he would tell me he loved me!
I wish I did too...I thought to my self, and I cried.
I Love U
I Love U
I Love U
I Love U
I Love U..."

So much for my happy endingOh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Well lets make this short and sweet.I just had General Paper and now I'm preparing to go mug for Physics and mathematics after prayers.The paper just now was about heroes and how you define them.My hero is...well I don't actually have one.Can that be possible?

Anyway did my 2.4km run after the paper,got 8.22min...not bad,not good...must have been the blood donation drive yesterday..It was actually a painless process...it took less than 10minutes to fill up one bag..for me that is...others was horrifying slow that some fainted halfway through...well I think that the loss of blood was a contributing factor to my run...

Actually I can't complain since I'm damn sure I'm had the best timing for 2.4km...And by the looks of it,No one is going to change that.

A tribute to Azmi.

You were like a real dad to me and the rest of the yeight boys..hah,still remember the days during orientation when you keep asking us if you can meet your friend...we all thought that it was your girlfriend or what..turns out to be something else entirely...haha..the time we went to Clarke Quay,it was our last outing with Hannan..all types of things happen then..If there is one thing I will remember and I know will never change is your laugh..Hah,it used to make everyone in the canteen turn to look at us..bloody hell,made the whole family embaressed..heh..

Well pak,I don't know why you didn't asked for deferment and decided to enlist now,but the whole family is behind you all the way..the best of luck in whatever you do and get us free latte when we come around your store aight?All the way.

Ah,can't do much now...my eye infection has been there since yesterday...however I will not succumb to it and start wearing glasses to school..haiz...what am I to do...Damn,got a testimonial from Jonathan in friendster.I can tell that he is damn proud of me..Jon,I'm going to do that favour you ask..And I know that it's going to be a big favour if I can carry it out...Well I'm going to do it or not.There isn't a try for me...

You need to be bloody cocky right?Hah,bloody,bloody cocky...why the fuck were you even complacent against SRJC?No disrespect to SRJC,but they just made their team this year...for God's sake,all of the teams consist of bloody JC1s!Fucking complacent..You guys need SRJC to score a bloody try before you wake up.Like what I've said in my previous entries,we can never beat neighbourhood JCs if you still sticking to your fucking ideas.I admit I made a few mistakes defensively as a scrumhalf in the RJC match,but having your man run circles around yourself and misssing him?That's plain stupid.I can see when we are playing RJC there wasn't respect in the team,everyone playing to the bloody plan and not wavering from it.

One bloody good example,there was a ruck with ALL our forwards in it.Three RJ backs on the left and three on the right.There was FOUR backs on our right flank.I was guarding the bloody left.I saw the 3 on 1 advantage and told LC to drift to the left.But no,he need to bloody stick to his man.And RJ being RJ,the scrumhalf hands to the left and they bloody commit me to tackle.The only saving grace was that they fumbled the ball and it went out...Now imagine this,three RJC backs on a bloody small fry MI Reserve scrumhalf.I would be better off fucking spider and die.

Ah yes,the YJC match..only when we scored the try we were strong.When they scored the next,every fucking MI guy on the field switched off.

I asked Sam to play.He told me to wait.

They scored another try.I told Sam I want to play.He told me to wait again.

The whistle blowed and we lost to YJC..now if we had only beaten them,we would have made it into the semis...

I am seriously considering whether I should continue playing rugby.If I can't bloody play when I see my team losing and giving up,what does that implicate?That Sam would rather play a strong but demoralised team?That Sam only play the inexperienced year1s in impossible matches such as RJC to conserve his key players?If I am seen only to fill up the team,I would be better off in Track & Field.

Frankly speaking,there isn't a guy in MI who can run like I can.Seriously.Not one can run a bloody less than 8minites for their 2.4km,the basic test of endurance.I can.And if I can't bloody play for the rugby team,I should seriously stop wasting my energy and focus on what I do best.

Maybe I should just quit Rugby.

The calm before the storm.Today was a good day for me,considering it is Friday,13th August.I thought that well,I'm going to get screwed or what but here I am,a survivor of Friday the 13th.Haha..pathetic little me..

I came to school way before time,as in around 7..I sat alone in the bus,contemplating the day before me...I got this book Zen from the Times in Plaza Singapura...been reading it quite often nowadays..The abstract zen concept is a real mind opener for me...zen was practised by samurai when they were in power in Imperial Japan,I guess it's something more meaningful than just pure meditation.I ate breakfast with the rugby guys,they were talking about Max and the reason why he didn't come to school today...anyway,had PE later on..haiz,I can only managed a silver this year..all because of my standing board jump..I got a D2 for it,a A5 for shuttle run and sit ups and a B4 for sit&reach and pull ups...The only saving grace for my PFT is if I do the best timing for the 2.4km run..Sadiq has currently the best timing with a 8.28...haha but they don't say that 2.4km is my pet event for nothing...with the school inaccurate measurement of it's track,maybe I can do a 8-flat for 2.4km?haha,most probably I would break the 8minute barrier...I wonder if I can manage the pace I did for my national track,then I would be doing less than 7.30...haha..dream on zaki..

I also had physics practical..something to do with magnetic oscillations..but judging by the way we did the experiment,we would definitely fail our SPA...Then comes training...We did team runs for the 10s later on,our hands were as usual fucked up...LC likes to pass the ball to the ground instead of Zhi Wei...haha,I would like to give a piece of my mind to him if he tries to screw me up for his mistakes...What happens to the back's play after I get the ball out of the ruck is not for me to care...seriously I will screw LC up...you will see tomorrow to see what happens later on..

The calm before the storm.Where will you be?

Sometimes I feel
Like I am drunk behind the wheel
The wheel of prosperity
However it may roll
Give it a spin
See if you can somehow factor in
You know there's always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say

Was I out of my head?
Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don't matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you're sad then it's time you spoke up too

Well that's because I didn't go to school today.I miss a lot of stuff in school but then, I get to spendspend more time with Syafiqa.Guess that compensates for the things missed.

Oh damn...alot of stuff today,I got a lot of homework to do now...and I haven't even got through half of that...haiz,only just got home...I'm thinking of skipping school tomorrow..haha,the thought occured to me throughout the day just now.

Let me see,I got an unexpected mathematics test,an unexpected physics tutorial,and a bunch of other unexpected things happening now..had a lantern making thing on HT...that truly sucks...although I told Hafiz US presidents' jokes...then had to head off to Bartley Campus..they have phototaking..then have to rush off Back to Toh Tuck,had rugby that wasn't really the educational experience that I wanted...But you can't ask too much from one training...I knew that Sam was mad at me for being late...he didn't put me in the team play at all..all I did was in the shadow team...So most probably I would make up the reserves for the team...I counted four people who could very well take the scrum half position from me..no use naming themselves here,they should know who they are.

So this Saturday at CCAB,I would skip Physics lecture,test and tutorial,just to try and get a medal that wasn't by my actions.

Well,need to finish this fast...All I wanna say is,MY NEXT SKIN RAWKZ!!!haha..i always wanted to say that..well yeah,I finally did change my skin..there's still some mistakes in my html writing but other than that,I satisfied with my blog...finally dude..now I have to go do my homework..

I mean,seriously,where was everyone?There are 4.5 million people in Singapore,about 100,000 are around the National Stadium.That leaves 4.4 million left standing on this island.But where are they?I went out for about an hour,but still not a single soul could be found...damn,blame this National Day spirit...

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'm..

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh, let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times that I won't have to say
.
..Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

And I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Hah,seriously what the heck didn't I do today?Woke up damn bored,decided to go out with Fahmi and Ain...then Ain said she was feeling dizzy and couldn't go,so we decided to put our plans off again for the umpteenth time..haiz..then I remember my nemesis from the grave,Senthil!

Damn,didn't know the guy is going for facials now...I mean,he says that he has to go for like fifteen treatments...and each treatment is like $100..I could use the money to feed world hunger!haha...well,met Johnny at the MRT while I was on my way to Plaza Singapura...He was smiling mysteriously..I have a gut feeling he knows...know what exactly?That I have to find out...

Anyway,I had to wait like four freaking hours for he to finish whatever stuff there was..Then we walk around there just like old times...dissing each other,dissing everyone else...dissing ourselves..hehe,just like old times ye..Senthil got two badges,One was

Wud U lyk 2 buy a vowel?
F_ck Y_ _

Another is,

I'm not being rude,
you're just insignificant.

Haha,damn nice for people like Senthil and me,we like deliver the coup de grace by mouth then action...hah..damn nice...

I woke up,body aching and mind like shit,to a glorious morning.Then I remember that today my school has national day celebrations..Hah,I decided to wear this damn smart business shirt and go as a eurasian...almost got my arse busted by this overbearing teacher that just want to pick a fight with someone..Annur and Aliff bastarded me again,never wearing the same thing as me..lucky Hafiz did..otherwise...

Whoah I didn't notice that there were so many beautiful girls in my school...seriouslyI have to open my eyes a bit bigger from now on..haha,dream on Zaki...Overall today was allright...saw the contingents of class representatives and CCA leaders and some Uniformed group members..So what if I regretted not joining a uniformed group,there are alot more things that I regretted since.Besides,I'm not one to adhere myself to marches and drills,they curb my hyperactivity..I guess I would be one to do really well at SOC and live firing exercises in NS,only to suck at drills..haha..the irony..

Anyway,had a mascot and dance competition,love the butterflies..haha..and the quiz on Singapore..The year 3s won..well at least we got second..Well you know what,I think I'm going to blow up on the propaganda of the Singapore Government,can't escape it now in any country...But before I get labelled a dissident in the city state,I think I better stop.

I shouldn't have come to school today.It was a day filled with shit.I shouldn't have waste my time coming to school today.I'm so damn pissed with myself than with others that I almost forgot that they are the ones who wasted enough of my time.

We were supposed to have a friendly with three other JCs at Farrer Park.In the end,we had training in school.Hah,even that only Gabriel,Annur,Aliff,LC,Anders,Min Yang and yours truly.Now I don't even consider just now a training.My track training would be more productive.And I'm not going to mince my words anymore for the rugby team.If these is the way the year 1s are going to prepare for the Nationals 10s,I have to tell you fucks to wake up your damned ideas and stop giving shitty excuses.God,otherwise,we can forget about playing next Saturday.I would rather quit now than to lose to those YJ and CJ jokers...At least then I won't incur the seniors' wrath.

Another thing I wish to mention.Can you dicks stop being so damned arrogant?Just because you're older than us doesn't mean you have a damned privilege to swagger in front of us.I pity Anders who has to bow down to you guys...Seriously,my respect is slipping away bit by bit.I understand why guys quit after falling out with the rest of you.I would rather learn how to be a scrumhalf from my brother who was a right winger than a bloody bastard.At least he understand the reason why I so pissed about tuesday's game against CJ,it wasn't because we lost the game,it was because I was way below par.

You see,in my family there's a thing called quality,and if you're not good enough,you can go fuck yourself for all they care.I know the standards set out for me and to say I had a good and decent game is a bloody insult to my face.That is why I was embaressed to tell other people about my track final,not because I got last but because my timing went up by eight seconds.You got to be a dick to run eight seconds slower for your final.That's the standard I set for myself in track and field and this is the way I'm going to set the standard for rugby.

Be Goddamned serious or quit the team.Stop wearing that blue shirt.Stop being so damned cocky that you're ruggers.People are just going to laugh in your face.

The scrum half is in essence the lynch pin of a rugby team. It is his or her function to link the awesome power of the pack with the lithe, silky skills of the three-quarters (via a poncy character known as a fly-half, but that's another guide for another day). Unless you are playing in New Zealand and Australia, where he is the only half back, and links the awesome power of the pack with a couple of math graduates that think they are slightly better than him, but not as good as the players outside themselves.

All very confusing. Which sums up scrum-half play in a nutshell. Should he pass? Should he kick? Should he run? And whichever tactic is chosen, he's guaranteed to upset at least two-thirds of his team as they would have done something completely different. (Especially the second rows, who never run anywhere anyway, can't pass for toffee, and wouldn't know how to kick if you asked them.) This is not helped by the schizophrenic nature of the scrum-half's position: is he a ninth forward, or an eighth back? Or perhaps a second ball (as often happens when playing behind a soundly-beaten pack)?

Scrum halves are always Napoleonic in stature. That is, short little bastards always causing strife, occasionally one-handed. They are very stroppy characters, always looking for a fight, and when having found one drags the nearest prop in to sort it out for him. They must have an A-level in niggling, treading on their opponents' feet and kicking loose-head props in the shins when the ref isn't looking.

Every scrum half is a frustrated No. 8. However, nature was cruel and only gave the player five foot two inches of height to use. This never stops scrum halves from playing like No. 8s when given the chance - i.e. running away from support on looping runs, and attempting to tackle the biggest player on the opposite side head on at pace.

The most important part of a scrum half is his mouth. This is so he can spend eighty minutes a week telling other players what they should be doing, especially the incredibly heroic props that arrive late to each ruck and maul because they have single-handedly just gotten up last from the previous one. A non-stop stream of advice can be heard from a scrum-half advising players of which opponent to tackle, where the ball is, where he wants it, which way to go, which arm to bite, etc. Great consternation and abuse will follow if these instructions are not followed instantaneously and fully. However, advice given to a scrum half, such as "pass right, three man overlap" will be studiously ignored, such as box-kicking, as the scrum half has a better vision of the game whilst being surrounded by large forwards than some silly nonce of a centre with nothing near him for twenty yards except an undefended goal line. The kick will be defended with the retort "I could see that their full back was out of position and I wanted to bury him to put him off his game."

Scrum halves are often described as terriers. This is because they are short little yappy things that leave their owners in the shit half the time, and smell.

Scrum halves must have a distinguishing feature. Welsh scrum halves must have large and ridiculous moustaches and sideburns. Scottish scrum halves must have hairy knees (not difficult being Scottish). Irish scrum halves must have foreign sounding names; they can never be called O'Reardon, or O'Reilly, or anything vaguely Irish. Like Paddy Guinness. English scrum halves must have a disabling limp (usually caused by an errant New Zealand flanker), or a stupid name. "Nigel" is a good start, and some have improved upon this with ridiculous double-barreled names like Wibblington-Skrunge, Twattingly-Bottom or Wankington-Toenails.

Finally, your average scrum-half is a source, off the pitch, of constant amusement. He can be relied upon to get drunk before everyone else due to his small size, will be the first to lead the singing, and have a very handy party trick involving a balloon and his penis. He will also be the one member of a touring party that will have an embarrassing and totally hilarious encounter with a prostitute and a policeman.

Hope this is of some help.

But probably not...

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Dalam doaku setiap kalinya
Agar kau kembali
Menenangkan hati dan perasaan

Ini bukan yang pertama kalinya
Cinta kupergi (jauh)

I'm sorry I didn't do write any entry these past few days..The problem lies with my computer..For some reason whenever I log into websites,I would basically log put again automatically..Now I'm using my old computer.It might be damn old and rusty but it does the job well enough.

Unlike me.

Today is a day I would rather remember for the rest of my life.It's nothing good,it is something most people rather forget..Today is the day I single-handedly caused MI to lose to CJC.The reason?

Me.

Why you may wonder.My teammates may not tell anyone this in front of me,but on that field just now,I was the weakest of the 20 standing.I don't think I even deserve to be in the team in the first place.I'm even worse than Max.I was a bloody spectator in the game,a damned coward hiding behind the forwards.I was the reason MI lost.God,to have too much expectations from the game and see all that being thrown into the vicious mud.It wasn't humiliating.It was a wake up call,one that is telling me that I was never any good in rugby.Never was,never will be.My teammates,they tell me that they too were at fault and it was a good game for me,that despite being the smallest,I was the strongest in the rucks.God damn it,I'm not even supposed to be a forward and contest in rucks.My own duty as a scrumhalf to my team wasn't even done.Supplying passes to the two pods,I didn't even managed that.I lost passes from scrums,balls from lineouts,rucks,maul...a C division scrumhalf would be ashamed to be recognized with me.Jonathan blames the backs for not carrying out their moves.They can't because there wasn't any ball coming out of the scrums,the lineouts,the mauls..Sam is right as ever.The forwards and backs will always need a good link man to raise the team to top flight.

And I'm not the guy they are looking for.