Tuesday, July 04, 2006
A vow to myself.
This entry is a confession of sorts. In fact I wished that I had written this entry earlier. This entry isn't meant to be informative to anyone else; rather it's supposed to remind me of what I'm supposed to do with my life, a soliloquy if you will. And so it begins.
I've done alot of mistakes in my ninteen years. Some are miniscule when compared to the normal everyday events occuring in the world. Some are the average, normal mistakes; the ones you spend a few hours brooding over,cursing at the incovenience it caused you. Others are grave in consequences; the changing of existing lives, the almost death of a young, innocent one, the desertion of two lives that has now led to a lonesome solitaire. Here's the thing about mistakes. People might say that making mistakes is normal, just that you learnt to carry on with your life.
What they neglect to mention is the fact that carrying on with your life also means the burden of having done the mistake weighing heavily in your heart. It weighs even more when your at the nadir of your life. Just a few major mistakes, done over a series of a few years, can make your life seems like there is salvation in your life. Right now, there probably isn't a light at the end of the tunnel due to mainly technical difficulties. So I guess now we have to find our own sources of light. The mistakes I've made has affected a whole lot of people. Most remain thankfully ignorant. Some would suspect. Few would actually know and understand. I wouldn't know how I am supposed to carry this mistake I made, two years ago, into the remains of my life. It's a huge burden, hopefully filled with glimpses of happiness, for someone ninteen years of age;let alone eighteen. I can't afford to live my life in this manner as it would only lead to more tears, a lot of misery and possibly a mistake I can't repent. I realise this now, my life isn't the same for others my age. I brought it upon myself, and I must bear it with the maturity of a man, a father. Let this be a reminder then, nay a warning to me.
Do nothing that dishonour your friends, your families, your love and the one you owe your life to. This day, the 4th of July of the year 2006, I do so vow.
I've done alot of mistakes in my ninteen years. Some are miniscule when compared to the normal everyday events occuring in the world. Some are the average, normal mistakes; the ones you spend a few hours brooding over,cursing at the incovenience it caused you. Others are grave in consequences; the changing of existing lives, the almost death of a young, innocent one, the desertion of two lives that has now led to a lonesome solitaire. Here's the thing about mistakes. People might say that making mistakes is normal, just that you learnt to carry on with your life.
What they neglect to mention is the fact that carrying on with your life also means the burden of having done the mistake weighing heavily in your heart. It weighs even more when your at the nadir of your life. Just a few major mistakes, done over a series of a few years, can make your life seems like there is salvation in your life. Right now, there probably isn't a light at the end of the tunnel due to mainly technical difficulties. So I guess now we have to find our own sources of light. The mistakes I've made has affected a whole lot of people. Most remain thankfully ignorant. Some would suspect. Few would actually know and understand. I wouldn't know how I am supposed to carry this mistake I made, two years ago, into the remains of my life. It's a huge burden, hopefully filled with glimpses of happiness, for someone ninteen years of age;let alone eighteen. I can't afford to live my life in this manner as it would only lead to more tears, a lot of misery and possibly a mistake I can't repent. I realise this now, my life isn't the same for others my age. I brought it upon myself, and I must bear it with the maturity of a man, a father. Let this be a reminder then, nay a warning to me.
Do nothing that dishonour your friends, your families, your love and the one you owe your life to. This day, the 4th of July of the year 2006, I do so vow.
